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Every culture has its own rules regarding etiquette. In the case
of Japan, some of these rules are straightforward while others
are more subtle. One of the basic concepts of Japanese society
is tatemae and honne. Honne means your true feelings while tatemae is the face you
present to the world. While they do not ignore their feelings,
Japanese consider tatemae to be more important in maintaining
a harmonious society. A clear example is the different types of
language used depending on who you are talking to. Keigo
is respectful Japanese used to elders or superiors. Other things
like seating arrangements at dinner or in a taxi are difficult
to fathom.
Japanese people tend not to point out mistakes made by foreigners
for fear of embarrassing them. At the same time, they don't really
expect foreigners to adhere strictly to these rules anyway. But
making an effort to be polite and to show at least some understanding
of local customs can make life a bit easier.
Meeting for the first time
When Japanese people meet for the first time, they say 'Hajime-mashite'
which comes from the word hajimeru, to begin. They'll also give their name using the word 'desu'
- 'Tanaka desu' - or 'to moshimasu' in a formal situation - 'Tanaka
to moshimasu'. Usually they'll bow if the situation is formal or just give
a nod of the head otherwise. Bowing is a bit complex - the degree
of bowing depends on the formality of the situation and the relationship
between the people. But foreigners are not expected to worry about
this unless greeting the Emperor or on some such rare occasion.
Business people exchange meishi (business cards) and it is polite to use both hands when giving
or receiving a meishi. You should read (or look as though your
reading!) the meishi and make some vague comment about the company
or the address or whatever. It is not polite to immediately stuff
the meishi in your trouser pocket or wallet.
Visiting someone's home
If you have been invited to someone's home, it is polite to bring
a gift, usually an inexpensive food item, which should be wrapped.
In Japanese, the visitor says 'Tsumaranai mono desu ga',
meaning 'This is nothing much but...', similar to the English
'This is just a little something for you.' Every Japanese home
has a genkan (hallway), where you take off your shoes and put on slippers
provided by the host. Often, if you use the toilet, you'll have
to change slippers again. It is quite common for Japanese people
to say 'Kondo asobi ni kite kudasai', or 'Please come
around to my place sometime' to someone they
barely know, but you should be careful. This is often said just
out of politeness and there would be a lot of embarrassment if
you actually turned up unannounced. It depends on the relationship,
but generally this 'invitation' should be taken with a pinch of
salt.
Eating
Most restaurants provide a hot towel for cleaning your hands before
eating - very civilized! Befor eating, it is customary to say
'Itadaki-masu'. There isn't really an equivalent in English (except maybe 'Bon
appetit'?!). It depends on the food, of course, but hashi
(chopsticks) are the most widely used implememts for eating.
It's not impolite to ask for a knife and fork or spoon if you
have trouble with chopsticks. Some restaurants may not have them
but those serving Western food always do. Chopsticks should not
be used for anything other than putting food in your mouth. They
certainly shouldn't be used for pointing to someone or moving
dishes around the table. And they should not be stuck into a bowl
of rice - this is only done at a funeral! There will sometimes
be a hashi-oki, or small object to rest the chopsticks on.
When eating noodles, such as
soba or ramen, it is okay to slurp loudly. In fact,
they say it improves the flavor! After a meal, it is polite to
say 'Gochiso-sama deshita'.
Drinking
The Japanese are a quiet and reserved people, except when they're
drunk - and most of them get drunk pretty easily. Going drinking
with fellow students or coworkers is almost a ritual in Japan.
It is considered the best way to break down barriers and cement
relationships and behaviour can get pretty rowdy. But all is forgiven
and forgotten the next day. It is polite to pour other people's
drinks and then hold your own glass while your host or friend
fills it. having other people constantly filling your glass can
lead to a lot of alcohol disappearing very quickly! The Japanese
toast is 'Kampai' (literally 'dry glass'). If you are invited out, it is common
for your host to pay the bill, but of course this should be played
by ear.
Bathing
Japan has a long history of communal bathing and a visit to one
of its thousands of onsen (hot springs) can be a highlight of any trip. As in the bathroom
in a private home, you wash yourself outside the bath before getting
into the hot water to soak. It is not uncommon for people to scrub
each other's backs. Sento (public bath houses) are quite common as there are still some
cheap apartments without their own bathrooms. They cost around
300 yen per visit. You should bring your own toiletries and put
your shoes and clothes in the lockers provided. Sento and onsen
are almost always separated by sex these days but mixed bathing
can still be found in a few places.
General
Japanese people don't usually use handkerchiefs for blowing their
nose. It's very common to see packs of tissues being given out
on the street. They're free because they contain advertisements.
Eating on the street is considered impolite but has become more
common. Spitting and urinating in public (mainly by middle-aged
or drunk men) don't seem to raise too many eyebrows.
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